I'm writing this from Spain, where we've come to spend a long weekend. I should be happy to spend some time with friends and family (and I am) but I'm seriously tired and, probably as a result of it, feeling a bit weird and lost. I thought I'd got to a place where I was at peace with being a Spanish in England. I like leaving in England (yes, despite the rain) for lots of reasons and I enjoy spending some of my holiday in Spain.
During the 8 years I've been living in England, I've gone trough different phases. At first, it was hard to live in another country, specially one where I didn't speak the language, and where I didn't understand many of the customs or personality traits. Then, I started to really like England, feeling at ease there, to the point where so many "Spanish things" started to seem strange or even wrong to me. Finally, I enjoyed having two so different homes so close to each other and the fact that I could easily switch from English to Spanish (most of the time).
Now, I'm starting to feel a bit lost in both countries, missing one when I'm in the other, and never completely happy where I am. Where is home? I keep asking myself. I've always thought that at some point in my life I'd go back to Spain and settle down, as my Mum puts it (I think I'm pretty settled in England but this obviously doesn't count for her, since it's in "another country" which means I'm "traveling"), now I'm not so sure. But I don't see myself staying in England either.
I read somewhere that "Home is where my books are", something I completely agree on (because you know that books are my friends). The problem is that at the moment, my books (and many other of my possessions) are in two different places.