This is what the narrator of Encounters at the End of the World (the most random and surreal account of life in Antarctic you'll ever see) asks in the film at one point: "Is this a big moment?".
He was referring to a moment when a group of scientists had just discovered three new species. Everybody laughed, but the question seems an important one to me. We can never be sure whether the moment we're living is a big moment or not. What we think of as life changing may not be and small decisions to which we don't give a second thought could change our lives for ever.
So stopping and asking "Is this a big moment?" could be a good idea. And so I ask myself, I'm turning 30 (twenty ten!!!!) in three weeks, is this a big moment? Age has never bothered me, most of my friends are my age or older than me, and so I never "feel old" around them. However, this big birthday has thrown me a bit off course. Am I being silly for feeling like this? Or turning 30 is actually a big moment, an opportunity to reevaluate where I'm going with my life?
This may have to do with where I thought I'd be at 30. Married, with a mortgage and kids. Is it so bad that I'm not there yet? I'm on the right track to get all those things soon, so does it matter that it'd happen when I'm older? Would I change the past couple of years to be there NOW, at 30? No, most definitely not. Then, why is it that all of a sudden, I feel is if I'm late for things, as if I should start rushing.
Feeling like this has made me fall into some bad habits, the worse one, my compulsive buying. Yes, I confess (in true Polly style) that I haven't been doing very well on my Think before you buy challenge lately. Once I started using the "It's my birthday soon and I deserve a threat" excuse, I couldn't stop.
If you've been following my comments around the blogosphere (which I realize it's a lot to ask, but you never know), you'd have notice that I have just bought a camera (Nikon D40, LOVE IT!) and that I've been buying the books for our Hermit Book Club (Did you visit us last Friday? We had the first discussion and it was brilliant. There is still time if you want to participate!). I went to town on Saturday and before I got to my final destination (the park) I had a couple of things from Zara and a new pair of sunglasses.
I feel guilty, yes, and at bit disappointed, but I've decided to be good to myself. I'll give myself sometime to indulge, and then after my birthday, try to get back on track. There is no point in berating myself. As I said here, it's time we are all a bit more loving towards ourselves, even when we make a mistake, and stop trying to continuosly improve ouselves.
Because if turning 30 is after all a big moment, then I may as well celebrate, right?
I have not been bummed by a number yet 20, 30, 40... No biggie!! I am happy with myself and life. I try my best.
ReplyDeleteI am so with you...
I have been awful about eating out. Big money drain. I am just so tired after work. I do not want to whip anything up in the kitchen. And, I am tired of anything microwaved. I like eating out with the boys for us to talk.
25 was big for me. I had set goals for myself that had not been met. At 15 days away from turning 28, some of them still aren't met. As you have read on my blog lately, I sometimes struggle with age, but ultimately I think that as long as we are moving forward and working to better ourselves, age does not matter. I say celebrate! Big moments, little moments, any moment. I have a birthday journal and every year on my birthday i write a reflection on the year before. It helps me to see that, though I may not have accomplished all of my large goals, I have accomplished things, there has been forward progress, and all of these things should be celebrated. Maybe this is something that would help you, too.
ReplyDeleteI am approaching 50 (in a year and a half) and i can only tell you i'm almost looking forward to it. in some strange way, it's kind of empowering. at this point i've started realizing that there is really not much to be afraid of, and the things that will scare me are usually things out of my control and i will survive them and love myself even more afterwards. i really believe that I am (you are) exactly where I'm (you're) supposed to be at this very moment. celebrate absolutely. xo
ReplyDeleteTwenty ten! I love that. Mind if I borrow it?
ReplyDelete30 is just another number. I think we get stuck on numbers. But I think these numbers are great moments to set intentions for ourselves, to create the kinds of lives we want.
So instead of dwelling on the past, let's dwell on the future and put one foot in front of the other and create.
A good friend said to me, after I was going on about how I wasn't where I thought I'd be by this time, if I would change the person I've become to have things I thought I was lacking. My answer was no.
I'm twenty thirteen and I've noticed I care less about what people think since turning twenty ten, which is refreshing.
Enjoy the Nikon (good choice) and the books (I just started The Brief Wondrous....) and celebrate how far you have come! It is a big moment - in a good way!
Happy Birthday and don't worry too much about what you think you have to do.
ReplyDelete"Free your mind and the rest will follow".
I'm nearing 40 and as I "look back" at what I did in my late 20s and early thirties, I realize I was very active, juggling several jobs at once etc.
I don't know if I could be that "aggressive" now but there are many things I can do now because of my past experiences.
Enjoy life, family and friends, nature and serendipity.
all the best!
I'm 33 and I don't think 30 was a big deal. I had so fun fun in my twenties and got rid of all the crazy drinking, partying, then, that it's pretty much been easy getting older. I don't care about age, but then again, I don't much look like I've aged either. I don't have kids and, as a woman, that helps. Men do much better when aging is an issue. However, I am tired after work, but I hate eating out. I live in a small town where food is geared towards farmers and people who don't really care what they eat. Lately, I like eating at home. I prefer a light pasta and a piece of french bread. Chicken is okay, but I don't eat a lot of red meat (never been too big on it). I'm trying to cut down on soda and walk more (I have a dog so I have to).
ReplyDeleteIt isn't that bad. It's juat a number afterall.
Enjoy the Nikon. Photography is a lot of fun when you catch the right shots (or if you don't).
Hi There... 30 was hard for me too but I just turned 40 and it was a breeze. Don't even sweat it, just take a day at a time and honestly you'll find that age is totally irrelevant. I have friends of all ages and although I don't hang with the 20's girls on weekends at the beach anymore I still very much love my friends who are younger than me. I wish I could do what they do sometimes but I also would not change anything about my life at this moment.
ReplyDeleteAs for the shopping.. a treat can be anything even a bright nail polish or a yummy artisan bread it doesn't have to be expensive. Put your credit card in the freezer so you can only use it after a lot of thought!!!
And when you're feeling a little unaccomplished for your age just look at all the awards on the side of your blog missy!!!!!
Ali.
Thanks for your comments! Glad you think I should celebrate! :)
ReplyDelete@ Hit 40, eating out is something I do too! I don't like cooking, luckily boyfriend does.
@ Alexandra, a birthday journal is a great idea! I'm definitely starting one this year.
@ Janet, I hope I'm like you when I turn 50. You're right, in the end, we're always "when we are supposed to be"
@ Lynette, twenty ten is actually a Julochka's invention, but I don't think she'll mind us using it. You're right, it's a big moment because we get to stop and think about where we are, and we get a chance to celebrate! Let me know what you think about the book. I loved it!
@ I am Tulsa, Thanks! I love how you tell me to enjoy serendipity, that's great!
@ P&P, I know it's just a number, I'm not sure why, but it's thrown me! I'm really enjoying my Nikon!
@ McGillicuty, you know, I HAVE thought about freezing my cards! I've been so much better this year, since I started the challenge, so I'm hoping to get back to being good after my birthday. Thanks for reminding me about my awards. They mean a lot!
So does this make me twenty twenty ten?
ReplyDeleteFor me 30, 40, and 50 were big moments, mostly because it causes me to reflect on what I want and what I'm doing to get there... if I'm doing enough, or if perhaps I want to do something entirely different.
Some of the biggest changes in my life have come at these 10 year intervals. I got married just before I turned 30, and divorced just after 40. Both events were joyous.
So yeah... it's a big moment. Eat it up with chocolate sauce and whipped cream!
I am halfway through my 30s and I am loving the process of growing older.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is embrace and enjoy it. Don't ever doubt that that you are exactly where are meant to be :)
Happy Birthday and congrats on your Nikon. I'm in love with mine.
ReplyDeleteTurning 30 is definitely a big moment and definitely a great opportunity to treat yourself! And you're so right, it's important to try to not to continously improve ourselves, it can lead to a lot of frustration...
ReplyDeleteLooks like we'll be celebrating your birthday on/around blog camp, is that right?? One more excuse for that fifth shot of tequilla...
Hey B! All my thoughts sound like one big cliche´. So instead, I want to hear more about the camera. I´m thinking of buying a new one soon and am going a bit crazy with all the info. And... don´t think so much... if you want to buy something, buy it... if you want pizza for breakfast have it. life keeps going- so don´t waste time thinking about it... and try to enjoy...:)
ReplyDelete@ The Sign Lady, wow, you've had some life changing moments around you birthdays, they really are a great opportunity to reflect on what you want.
ReplyDelete@ Sas, I hope I can say the same when I turn 35!
@ My Wooden Heart, I'm in love with my Nikon too!
@ Polly, yes, my birthday is just 2days before we start blog camp, on 17/6! When is yours? I'll still be in celebration mood... or depression mood :)
@ Jane, I love, love, love the camera. It's my first DSLR, and I've found it's really easy to use, I also love how light it is, I keep forgetting that I'm carrying it. I was going to get the D60, but it's much more expensive and I didn't think it offered that many extra features. I didn't know if I was a Canon or a Nikon girl before, but I'm now convinced!
I really enjoyed reading your post - it's such a good question to ask yourself, a reminder to be in the moment.
ReplyDeleteabout the age thing: I'm turning 32 this year, and I think that sofar, every year has been better than the year before. that doesn't mean I don't feel stressed about getting older sometimes, but I try to enjoy every day.
I love my Nikon too :-)
i think 30 is a big moment, but it's not a sad moment. and stock-taking is never a bad thing. i was 30 when i discovered that i was married to the wrong person, living the wrong life, so that whole husband and mortgage thing isn't all it's cracked up to be. it took 'til 32 to put it right. so don't worry, just enjoy. 30 is really not so bad.
ReplyDeleteand you're gonna love the nikon. i was going to get a D40 when i got my D60, b/c the D40 came highly recommended. you'll love it, i'm sure of it!
Just enjoy it. You will be allright with or without all the things.
ReplyDelete@ Kristina, well, I need every reminder to try and live in the moment, I'm always so focused on the future!
ReplyDelete@ Julochka, those are pretty life changing moments... I did all that at 28... without the marriage, but same thing!
@ Kristina, I will do!
B, 30 is a beautiful age. I remember when I was about 15 asking my dad what was his favorite age. He said his 30s because he was old enough to have some wisdom but young enough that there was still had a lot of life and adventures ahead of him. I have to agree with him. You're coming into a wonderful time of your lie!
ReplyDeleteTurning 30 was a big moment for me, and I think it was good: why not stop and be aware of time passing? Happy approaching 30!
ReplyDeleteyou are right, you should celebrate!
ReplyDeletei'm not sure there is such a thing as a big moment, but i do think there are intense moments when you feel so alive it's hard to describe. and the good thing is, you can't miss these - they'll just jump at you out of the blue. they are what happiness is made of.
i'm sure your 30th is going to be just fabulous! :)
@ Fragrant Muse and Francesca, well, it seems 30 is not that bad, then!
ReplyDelete@ Kristina *, true it's great when you have one of those moments and you feel everything is possible!